This guy stinks.

This is my first postgame frustration post. The Reds just lost to the Nationals 3-2 on a walk off wild pitch by Alfredo Simon. On Saturday, Simon made his debut for the Reds and promptly gave up a two-run homer to really put the game out of reach.

But who is he really? Literally, we’re not sure. He signed with the Phillies in 1999 under the name Carlos Cabrera and pretended to be 21 months younger than he actually was. Okay, so he’s a liar and an idiot.

He’s 6-6 and weighs 260. So he’s a fat liar/idiot.

He’s not a very good pitcher. His career WAR (wins above replacement) is 0.4. Pretty close to being average, without actually being average. As a side note, his WAR was negative until last year. So he’s a fat, slightly-above-average-pitching liar/idiot.

Teams don’t stick with him. The Phillies traded him. He filed for free agency after his time with the Giants. He filed for free agency after his time with the Rangers. The Dodgers picked him up then released him before the season began. Then he spent some time in the Mexican League and did well (not impressed). The Orioles picked him up. In the four seasons with the Orioles, he posted ERAs of 6.23, 9.95, 4.93 and 4.90. Then they released him. Now he’s on the Reds. So he’s a fat, slightly-above-average-pitching liar/idiot who’s bounced around the league.

In January 2011, Simon allegedly shot and killed a guy named Michel Castillo Almonte and wounded his 17-year-old brother. He posted bail in March and was acquitted in November 2011. So he’s a fat, slightly-above-average-pitching liar/idiot who’s bounced around the league and might’ve killed someone.

The Reds should get rid of this clown and bring Todd Frazier back up from AAA.